Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
