yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
