Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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