I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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