Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Vodka?
Forever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
