u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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