I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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