Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They took my balls.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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