So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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