Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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