i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
