I puked a lego.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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