i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
