Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
