But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
