sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
