I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
