Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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