Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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