he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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