1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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