wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
