I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
