I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
time to smoke my breakfast
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
