i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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