I can tuck mytits in my pants
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
