I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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