someone threw a dead crab at me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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