I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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