someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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