you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
