Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
