i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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