It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
