she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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