You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
