I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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