Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
