I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
