Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
