people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
