I am in a vortex of obligation.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
