Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
