I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
