I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
