in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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