is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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