halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
