The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
