maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
