and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
