been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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