she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
