I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
