it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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