On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
