The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
