oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
