i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
