3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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