oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
