I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
