i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
