i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
