On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
