I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
