Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
