p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
