Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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