I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What a dumb baby whore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
