I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
this will be a night to untag.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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