I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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