Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
