why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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