More tranny stories later!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
