I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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