I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
