so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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