Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Girls should come with a carfax report
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
