I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
