Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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